Back Door Invasion – The Colonoscopy

Health before modesty! That was one of the fist things my urologist Dr. Colli said to me when I started my bladder cancer journey in 2013. 2012 Thanksgiving was horrific. It was extremely stressful for me Dr. Google announced to me ‘hey you have bladder cancer just the day after thanksgiving’. But back to the topic at hand…COLONOSCOPY!

Let’s de-mystify the dreaded Colonoscopy we are all petrified about.

The Prep

1. It’s really not as bad as it’s made out to be. It will save your booty and your life. Thanks to Jess, Dr Google & my sleuthing skills 🤣the prep was not arduous.
2. Ask your doctor to prescribe you Dulcolax tablets if you don’t like the thought of chugging 4/5 liters of tasteless laxative liquid which has a yucky lemon flavor 🤮You do have a CHOICE in picking how you clear your colon.
3. Stop eating whole wheat, dairy, vegetables (Na na na boo boo you salad freaks) nuts, high fibrous food(🧐yup it stays in your colon longer, harder to clear) about four-five days before your prep.
4. For all you carb lovers this is fantastic eat white bread, pasta, potatoes., rice. I ate rice and potatoes for three days and I’m not complaining 🤣. Get the best toilet paper money can buy, Your tushy will be eternally grateful.
5. I ate my last solid meal at about 4:30pm the evening before I started my prep. Less in less out got it have some zinc oxide diaper cream handy and just liberally apply it to your booty. I washed my butt and blotted with toilet paper so my bum was not so sore.
6. I started the prep early by 2pm as Jess recommended. I mixed the prep & chilled it so it was easy to chug down. I mixed it with gingerale so it was easier to chug. I kept a timer on my phone for every 20 mins so I could drink the prep. Drink it through a straw if that makes it easier (stay close to the bathroom, if you have only one don’t let anyone in🤣🤣) Wear a dress not pants… less to pull down in a hurry, no accidents will be caused. It’s way easier to go potty in a hurry. Ooh and keep your phone or iPad in the bathroom for company or a book if you like to read.
7. I had chugged down two glasses of prep and nothing was moving…..then by glass 4 my tummy was grumbling & the evacuation procedure had begun. I drank 3/4ths of my prep by 8pm my poop was yellow. A successful prep is when you are pooping clear to yellow liquid that means you did good, if it’s still brown then yuh uhh you goofed up and need to clean up more so your doctor can get a clear view of your colon. You are literally peeing from your butt hole so don’t be alarmed.  Keep drinking hot clear soup/broth, eat some jello, Popsicle to keep you hydrated. No red or purple color stuff, it interferes with the exam.
8. Some doctors want you to take the left over prep in the morning, I didn’t feel like drinking that lemony liquid early in the morning plus by the time is was midnight my poop was clear. You have to stop consuming any liquids three hours before the exam.
9. 9 am came I was at the location, they were awesome! Morgan my nurse took her time to stick me with a needle I had already warned them at check in that I was a hard stick. I did not want to be poked 10+ times and be bruised black & blue… it took Nurse Morgan a good 18 mins to find a viable vein , she was extremely patient and kind. I was not bruised at all & didn’t feel like a pin cushion. I wish I could take her to all my blood draws ha! If only wishes were horse 🙂
10. In swaggers Dr. Dragutsky, he is awesome. He came in explained the process, appeased my fears.  I was put under and I woke up in about a little over an hour. It was quick painless I didn’t feel a thing. He did find a few polyps that are given for biopsy, fingers and now I’m impatiently waiting for the results to come by next week.
11. Please people it’s now recommend that you get a colonoscopy at 45 instead of waiting till you are 50!  It saves lives and there’s nothing to be embarrassed about, they have seen a million butts and yours is not that special. What is special though is your life…. if caught early in pre-cancer stage or even early stages it’s curable and you do not have to go through any more torture. Please check your ‘hiney’ cancer sucks! It fucks up everything. Showing or checking your boobs, balls and butt to your doctors can save our lives. Cancer is not fun at all, but it has bought lovely people into my life without whom I would not be able to function, Meg, CJ, Gina, Liza, Mel, Jess, Ellis, Alexa. In case I forgot to mention your name I have Chemo Brain 😉 I love you all you & miss CJ & Gina a lot#FuckCancer

Disclaimer:  This information is not a substitute for medical care.  Always inform your healthcare team of any concerning symptoms you are experiencing, and consult with your provider before starting new treatments, therapies, or health routines.

All of the posts written for Elephants and Tea are contributed by patients, survivors, caregivers and loved ones dealing with cancer.  If you have a story or experience you would like to share with the cancer community we would love to hear from you!  Please submit your idea at https://elephantsandtea.org/contact/submissions/.